This Is Cory

My wife and I are attending a wedding today, and while the happy couple is probably stressing out about flowers, candles, music, and which foot goes first, we’re very busy eating cereal and drinking coffee.  Our time has come and gone, and it is beautiful feeling.

There was a day when we spent our waking hours pouring over guest lists, color selections, flower arrangements, table settings, reception locations, photography, music, linens, and varieties of pasta. In reality, Lyndsay–my wife–spent her waking hours pouring over these things, while I took on the role of the Traditional Groom, which is: to do almost nothing. But don’t get me wrong, I was an active participant in our pre-nuptial preparations. I did every single thing that was asked of me. I attended all significant wedding-related functions, including meeting the caterer, who–by the way–served us an excellent lunch during our meeting.

CATERER: Cory, what would you like to dip in the chocolate fountain?
CORY WITH MOUTH FULL: ISS iza good tookey sanwich!
(more…)

Today’s topic is: Home Entertainment.

This week a nice man named Antonio came to install satellite television service in our home. This is the first time we have been subscribers to more than just your run-of-the-mill rabbit-ear stations. We now have the full-blown “Choice Extra Grande Premium” package of channels with extra whipped cream, so there is no longer an excuse to devote our time to meaningless tasks, such as reading, or bathing. (more…)

It only took us three hours to put together the baby’s crib. This is one of the several baby-related activities we’ve been involved in lately. Others include scanning products for our registry at Babies R Really Expensive, listening to people tell us how “everything is about to change”, stenciling letters on the baby’s wall which she will not be capable of reading for several years, and opening presents which, more often than not, elicit the word “Aww!”

Putting the crib together is a major step in what is called “Nesting.” This is the part of pregnancy wherein the expectant mother instinctually prepares her home for the arrival of her forthcoming child, becoming obsessed with cleaning, and rearranging, and building a refuge in which to hide her eggs. Fortunately for me, my wife’s nesting has been limited, and there has been no sign of twigs or branches in the house (I can’t say for sure what she’s been doing outdoors). (more…)

Paul, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, and a Youth Pastor.

To the students.

In the name of God our Father and of his Son, Jesus Christ, who is totally awesome: Peace be with you. I just want to tell you that God is totally cool and so is His son Jesus. He like, died for you. And that’s good, because sin is bad.

I want to encourage you to be “on fire” for God. Doesn’t that sound good? Actually, it is more fun, and less painful than it sounds. When you’re on fire for God, your life will be better. Seriously. Trust me. I went to Bible School.

When you’re on fire for God, you can do awesome things like evangelize to your friends and family, and share with them scriptures that that made you feel really good in your morning devotional, regardless of the context. Not only that, but the way you live will show others that you’re on fire for God (Idea: Hold a Bible Study at lunch, or join the Young Republicans). (more…)

We may not be in an official recession, but some of you have asked: “Cory, can you explain the frightening state of our economy and what we can do about it, and whether we should actively stockpile canned vegetables in our bomb shelters?” And the answer is: Yes.

If you have been watching the news or listening to the radio or if you have been awake for the last few weeks you’ve probably heard that we are in an Economic Crisis. The value of everything is on the rise. Everything except your home, the price of which is inversely proportional to the rising cost of gasoline, as shown in this detailed graph: (more…)

My current car–and this is an example of my acute automotive knowledge–makes “funny noises” when you turn it on. And by “funny noise” I mean the shrill voice of a banshee emanating from under the hood whenever I turn the key. Not only that, but it is possessed by the Devil. Perhaps not the Devil himself as he can get very busy, but maybe by one of his underlings.

I know this because at various intervals throughout each day the cassette player will launch into some kind of process that sounds as if Satan’s Little Helper is in there constructing his custom home. He doesn’t even have a permit. Not only that, but the volume knob occasionally decides that clockwise means softer, and counter-clockwise means LOUD AS POSSIBLE., which–as you may know–is in direct violation of the Law of Volume Control. (more…)

Look! It’s a new blog!
But will it just be the same?
I hope it isn’t.