Trading In Our Rabbit Ears
Today’s topic is: Home Entertainment.
This week a nice man named Antonio came to install satellite television service in our home. This is the first time we have been subscribers to more than just your run-of-the-mill rabbit-ear stations. We now have the full-blown “Choice Extra Grande Premium” package of channels with extra whipped cream, so there is no longer an excuse to devote our time to meaningless tasks, such as reading, or bathing.
Antonio came to our rescue, providing us with the little black box of entertainment that now sits atop our television, and a satellite dish, now attached to the outside of our home, receiving signals from Star Command, beaming in episodes of the police drama Law & Order twenty-four hours a day.
We finally caved in to subscribing to a television provider because my wife and I are going to need something to do when our impending child wakes us up every forty-five seconds during the night. Now that we have satellite service, whenever the baby wakes us up, we can hop on the couch and watch Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, or Law & Order: Prehistoric Times.
Our fear, however, is that we’re going to become addicted to the television. There are only a few shows we watch regularly, over at my in-law’s home, but now that we have our own service we may find ourselves in front of the television more often. The first day we were pretty responsible. I got a lot of cleaning and yard work done, regardless of the fact that I now have HUNDREDS OF CHANNELS WORTH OF ENTERTAINMENT available at my fingertips!
We did watch a little bit of the Olympic Trials, several minutes of Comedy Central, and part of an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. And let me tell you: it was a marvelous feeling to come inside after mowing the lawn, open a beverage, and sit down on the couch to an episode of Law & Order: The Musical.
For the most part, I think we will be immune to the siren call of our TV. That is, if we can escape the clutches of the dreaded Food Network. The Food Network is made up of various spunky food-related personalities who host instructive cooking demonstrations, and get really excited about “arugula.” You will want to eat what they cook on the Food Network. But you can’t afford their ingredients. Not when you’re paying for satellite television.
I think we’re excited about our new investment. Our child will surely benefit from this nation’s wealth of televised education in the form of puppets, and the TV will be a great way to do “research” so that, as a Youth Director, I can stay familiar with our “culture.” I will never again miss out on great cultural achievements such as American Idol, or Law & Order: On Ice! But when it comes down to it, the television will have to stay on the back burner. I have other things to worry about. My arugula is burning.
dude, you have no idea how smart you are for this. not so much for you, so much as for when lyndsay has to feed every couple of hours and either A, doesnt want to do it in the dark, or B, cant get back to sleep. but be careful, when you get used to watching a great show at 4 in the morning, rerun or not, you might find yourself staying up to watch it regardless of how early you should get up. my favorites are law and order:next top model and law and order:sarah jessica parker sleeps with a bunch of dudes.
at 3:00 am on June 25th, 2008
I know this is a small point of contention, but you seem to be the type of person who uses precise and specific vocabulary.
In the second paragraph, you mention,” a satellite, now attached to the outside of our home”…as someone who works in a space-related industry, unless your house is actually in outer space in some type of low-Earth orbit, you probably don’t have a satellite attached to your house, but a satellite receiver.
Other than that…another great read…
at 5:44 am on June 26th, 2008
Filatore, I fixed it. I almost deleted your comment because it is embarrassing, but decided to keep it, because it is hilarious.
at 7:10 am on June 26th, 2008
Perhaps you are not the first to have a satellite ‘installed’ on your roof. news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5219468.stm (ah! If only I knew how to cause this to link automatically.
at 10:23 am on June 27th, 2008
Wow, what a story. . .those folks had 18 satellites on their house. I wonder how many channels they get?
at 10:47 am on June 27th, 2008
Rob feels your Law and Order pain. I tivo it and he’s like, NOT AGAIN!?? But I would like to see Law and Order: On Ice! because I have a secret crush on Vincent D’Onofrio. Men in Black performance or not, he was hot in 2003.
at 10:08 pm on June 28th, 2008
Does this mean that you will no longer be visiting the in-laws regularly, ostensibly to watch our TV, but effectively to catch up on the week and have some facetime…? Hummm?
Maybe you can work it out with the satellite company so they only give you service from midnight until dawn! Then, if you want to catch up on all those ‘cultural’ must-see’s (Like LOST, for example), you will once again be FORCED to jump in the car (granted, this won’t be as simple with Naomi in tow)to drive the five minutes to visit with those handy in-laws with the big screen TV! It’d probably even be half price!
Kidding aside, I think this was a good decision as I, like Robin, remember the long nights watching the Farm Report and reruns of Andy Griffith, while feeding and/or comforting my precious babies. (I, however, only had 6 channel choices as opposed to 400!) Maybe WE’LL come to YOUR house to watch LOST!
Kidding aside -
at 7:43 pm on June 29th, 2008
I once had a neighbor who came to my house every day after school for many years. Yes, he mostly sat at the computer, but we were convinced he enjoyed our company and deeply religious influence. Alas, one day the poor, lost boy received his own DSL line, and we never saw him again. Unless he needed a ride somewhere.
at 11:25 am on July 2nd, 2008
I refer to “Law and Order” as “cable”, from time to time
at 9:15 am on July 25th, 2008
I think that Law and Order is important to our soceity so that we may see how unreal all the crap is on tv. Now a good episode of COPS is what every person should be watching.
at 8:34 pm on July 30th, 2008