This Is Cory

We may not be in an official recession, but some of you have asked: “Cory, can you explain the frightening state of our economy and what we can do about it, and whether we should actively stockpile canned vegetables in our bomb shelters?” And the answer is: Yes.

If you have been watching the news or listening to the radio or if you have been awake for the last few weeks you’ve probably heard that we are in an Economic Crisis. The value of everything is on the rise. Everything except your home, the price of which is inversely proportional to the rising cost of gasoline, as shown in this detailed graph:

As you might already know, the value of a given commodity is determined by something called the Law of Supply and Demand, which states that if someone Supplies something you don’t have, they will Demand money from you if you want to get it. This proves to be especially harsh on our economy. On top of that our stock market is driven by fear, speculation, and–as recent studies show–the gravitational pull of the moon. If Investor A is afraid his shares in Company B are going to lose value, he sells them. As a result the shares lose value, and Company B plummets into oblivion until it is bailed out by the U.S. Government.

Fortunately, I have given the matter of the Economy a lot of thought while I shower in the morning, and I have a plan: My plan is that we all–as a Global Community–agree to lower the cost of everything (oil, rice, labor, beer, etc.) by 23%. I chose this number based on a very technical algorithm and the fact that I was born on December 23rd.

How will this work? Let’s say you are a taxi driver, and you lower your price of your fare by 23%. How will you manage to pay for gas? No problem! The price of gas just went down 23%!

As you can see from this example, my Twenty-Three Percent Plan is fool-proof. If we work this right we could eventually bring our costs down so far that we will have resorted to the Barter System which is something my friend, Travis, and I have been advocating for years, largely because we do not have any money. I am somewhat confident that my Solution will possibly come close to fixing our High Cost Crisis. But we will never know until we try. And so I leave it in your hands, World. I have some vegetables to can.